“Real love is no easy path – readiness is everything.” Hmm, instead, I agree that “bravery is everything” because none of us are ever really ready to be vulnerable. Instead, we brave the vulnerability of leaning in. True partnership is determined by a couple’s commitment to make each other’s emotional well-being as important as one’s own. And the ability to consistently do so requires the bravery to lean into ongoing personal growth and deepening one’s sensitivity to oneself and one’s partner.

The need for personal growth is accelerated in close relationships because conflict naturally arises in learning to fit into one another’s lives on a daily basis. These conflicts at times uncover one or both partner’s triggers and unhealed wounds (from experiences both during and prior to the relationship).

Each partner then faces the need to manage one’s triggers, to self-soothe, and to acknowledge one’s wounds to oneself. In a lasting partnership, couples further learn to create emotional safety for one another and brave the vulnerability of mutually sharing those wounds and supporting one another. Lasting, satisfying love is the honey of one another’s full acceptance and the deep bond of healing together over time. Successfully navigating this journey requires relying heavily on a healthy relationship toolbox. Because few of us have healthy tools, building that healthy toobox is crucial!

For more insight, read Al Turtle’s articles, Three Drawer Toobox and Where Do You Start? and John Gottman’s blog, Building a Sound Relationship House.