Life has taught me that a healthy and viable relationship in its essence distills down to a warm, loving partnership committed to mutual well-being. At the risk of sounding unromantic, here is my logical-minded quick analogy of how one might achieve that result. [Truly, despite my logical brain, I am a sensitive and warm woman.]

The mechanics of this turbo love engine–built on mutual concern for one another’s well being–resides in the delicate tuning of two significant parts, individual autonomy on the one hand and mutual curiosity, openness, and acceptance on the other.

Critical to finding such an atunement is each partner’s skill in relational self awareness, the ability and willingness to look honestly at what tends to set you off in your intimate relationships and how you handle yourself when you feel upset. And hopefully this skill is supported by a toolbox of vetted, awareness and awareness communication tools. Right, so where were you supposed to learn that? Exactly, almost none of us were taught this.

But this skill of relational self awareness can be learned and critical awareness tools acquired. Would you work on any motor without ever consulting the manual or youtube or maybe even taking a shop class? This skill is especially important to me in a partner and in myself. I learn more every day. But even with what I have already learned, it’s changed my life.

If interested further, read “Loving Bravely” by Solomon 2017 or reference Al Turtle’s Relationship Wisdom.